Just a day ago when i felt the sense of relief and experienced the joy of things. And, it had to happen all over again. today. at the table. the "randomly picking answers for MCQs" act surfaced. and those thoughts that go "my answers must be wrong". why cant i just pick myself up from this shit and work all the way up again? it's so tiring. trying again and again, just to fall flat on my nose.

dont tell me how i need to prove myself to others. im doing all these, completely for myself. im not obliged to do what it takes. and i wouldnt. it's not about my mind anymore. it's about the heart.

Mdm Connie Chan once said "if you feel sad that you got bad results for your exams, you are a good student." how true. and yet, how inapplicable. my heart's numb. it no longer hurts. but the anxiety and fear lingers on.

i want myself back.

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lousy day. but thanks to my girls! Qimin, this is for you! >.<

(: